Ek aadmi apni biwi ka

Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke,

Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli,

Chamki, Badal garje,

Zor se barish(rain) shuru hoi,

Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai

Wife having headache

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository...it's up to you!"

Calling wife names after drinking liquor

Wife: Jab tum desi sharab pite ho to mujhe paro kehto ho jab whisky pete ho to darling kehte ho. Aaj kiya pia hia jo churail keh rahe ho?
Husband: Aaj main hosh main hoon!

Taxi driver losing control of car

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.

How guys select the girl

A man is dating three women and wants to decide
which to marry.

He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches
to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up
and buys several new outfits,
and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs,
some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has
spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)



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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!! Smile

This is GULF (Dubai)

* Local calls are free
* Petrol is cheaper than water, Payment for drainage too
* Any building construction finishes in 6 months
* Unqualified get more salary than Qualified
* Show-off matters more than real quality & performance
* Laborers are paid less than what they can earn back in their own country
* Companies can kick out their! employe es without any reason
* Wastas (recommendation) are more powerful than money
* Cleaners have more Wasta than officers
* Watchman has more Rights than the Building Owner
* Office boy & Drivers have more influence on Boss than Manager
* Gulf climate changes so fast, in one hour u can see raining, dust storm, hot / humid / chilling weather


* Gulf is located in desert, still u find greenery everywhere
* If u can't earn money in the Gulf, u can't earn anywhere in the world
* In Gulf, time goes very fast, Friday to Friday comes u never know, its sooo fast
* Every bachelor has a dream of getting married and buying a house in India/pakistan/bangladesh :p
* U love your parents, friends, relatives 100 times more than when you were together
* Being at home is more painful than being at work
* Indians appear/pretend to be more religious/God fearing than they really are
* Gulf girls sing Hindi/Punjabi songs but don't understand anything
* A ladies hair saloon every 5 meters
* Food/Grocery delivery to the car
* A Starbucks every 10 meters
* Hard Rock Cafe with no alcohol
* A Shopping Mall located every 5km
* Highway lanes differentiated for slow & fast drivers
* Getting a license is more difficult than getting a car
* Smashed cars are more than bugs
* No Queues for women

TRAFFIC SIGNAL IN GULF:

* GREEN : Signal to go for Americans, Europeans and Indians
* YELLOW : Signal to go for Egyptians and Pakistanis
* RED : Signal to go for Kuwaitis, Saudis

What Men Really Mean

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"



"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to
drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the
vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars,
and beautiful women."

"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
"Really means.... "I remember the theme song
to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed
and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car
I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but
will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "...And I sure hope I think of some
pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I
can fake it well enough so that you don't spend
the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell
at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up!

Applications Invited For a Girlfriend

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts) I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...please this is urgent (only females)

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below:


Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required..
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• bike rides each duration 1 hour
• trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.
Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Please NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Search never ends!!

Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject:

Name/fresher- exp/age.

Photo must be in attachment to the email address via mail

Note:Applications without photo will be rejected.

Joke: If Ekta Kapoor made sexy serials...

If Ekta Kapoor made sexy serials, then the names would be like...

- Kahani Palang Ki

- Kyunki Condom Bhi Kabhi Sasta Tha

- Kasauti Bra Panty Ki

- Kahin To Choda Hoga

- Kahi Kabhi Chod

- Kyuki Gand bhi Kabhi Fati Thi

- Kab hoga Nimmo ka

- Kaisi Ye Rand Hai

- Kahani Rat Bhar Ki

- Kabhi To Lega

- Kaskas Ke

- Kkavya-ke-ungli

Joke: Three women talking about their sex lives 2

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

I hav’nt slept all nite in the train

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didn’t U exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower Berth..

When U Were 15 Years Old

When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..

When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand...
Afraid That I Might Dissapear...

When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me,

And Kiss My Forhead
N Said :"U Better Be Quick, Is's Gonna Be Late.."

When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."

When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear,
But It's Time For
U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."

When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me...

When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Smile At Me..

When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U...
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On..
I'M Reading Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me 50 Yrs Ago..
With Our Hand Crossing Together..

When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn't Say Anything But Cried...

That Day Must Be The Happiest Day Of My Life!
Because U Said U Love Me !!!

Please Appreciate Your Loved Ones.. Say "I Love You"
To Them When U Have The Chance Now !!!

sardar thoughts three times

A man asks a sardar:

What about your paper of english.?

sardar said:

It was ok but I forgot 3rd form of think.

Then I thought

and thought

and thought

then wrote “THUNK”

son of sardar

Sardar’s son is crying to go to school.

Sardar: Oye sheran day bachay ronday nai.

Son: Sheran day bachay school v te nai janday.

how old are you

Rat: How old are you?

Elephant: 15 years.

Rat: But you look big.

Elephant: I am complan boy.

Elephant: How old are you?

Rat: 30 years.

Elephant: But you look small.

Rat: I use Ponds Age Miracle

what a strange car

Sardar: What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.

Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea.

All cars that I know start with petrol.

you have failed

Sardar in Bio Practical Exam.

Examiner: See the bird’s leg and tell name.?

Sardar: I don’t know!

Examiner: You have failed. What’s your name.?

Sardar: See my legs.

BOY to his GIRL FRIEND

On a DATE: A BOY to his GIRL FRIEND : Tumhari KHUBSURTI ka Kya RAAZ hay…?
GIRL : LUX…!
BOY : Ittefaq hay, Meri KAMZOri ka bhi yehi raz hay.

PHATAN:Gehri SOCH Me!

PHATAN:Gehri SOCH Me!

WiFE:
Kia Soch Rahe Ho?

PHATAN:
Ye GEO NEWS Walon Ko Kese Pata Chalta He?

WiFE:
Kia?

PHATAN:
Yehi K

“AP DEKH RAHE HEN
GEO NEWS”

p